Wo Shen Bian De Mei Jian Shi Qing Dou Bian De Bu Yi Yang Le, Zhi Yin Wei Wo De Xin Li You Le Ni… Wo Ke Yi Xiang Quan Shi Jie Shuo Wo Ai Ni, Na Ni Ne…?

Chapter 33


Wei Lian had made an excuse to get away from the gang’s love conversation. To prevent himself from thinking of Fang Qi again, he had to abandon the rest of the people to come out for a breather, he told himself. Cherie was returning from the restroom when she bumped into Wei Lian at the entrance. He didn’t want to start another conversation. Instead, he got Cherie to walk over with him to the only ice cream store at Daysprings Mall. Suddenly tonight, he had a strong craving for ice cream. Rum and raisin ice cream. He hadn’t eaten any ice cream for a long while. Ever since she left. There are too many thoughts going through his mind. And what was he hearing at the ice cream store?

Wei Lian cocked his head as he listened to the voice placing her order at the same time. His grip on the ice cream counter tightened. Was it really Fang Qi?

“Fang Qi!!!” Cherie shrieked happily. She was relieved that she finally saw Fang Qi. If she had misunderstood that Wei Lian still had feelings for her, she was prepared to explain everything to her. Looking at Wei Lian’s expressionless face, Cherie was tempted to kick him. Can he at least show a bit more emotions? Hasn’t he been waiting for Fang Qi to come back? Now that she is back, what is he waiting for? Unable to stand it anymore, she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the other side of the ice cream store.

“Wah, you two still eating the same flavour ah?” Cherie started to tease them, in hope of helping them. She knew too well that Wei Lian would be too stunned to do anything. Fang Qi gave an awkward smile, but her heart ached as she saw Cherie holding on to Wei Lian’s hand. Cherie had forgotten that she was holding his hand. It was such a natural thing for her to do since they were such good friends. But she didn’t realize it deepened Fang Qi’s misunderstanding. So they are actually together. She smirked to herself. She can finally give up. Fang Qi thought inside her bitterly. She could almost feel her tears gushing out, but she fought hard to hold it back.

Avalanches of thoughts were running through Wei Lian’s mind. He has been thinking of her day and night, hoping that she will return one day. He wanted to tell her how much he had missed her and he was sorry for hurting her. But as usual, no words came out of his mouth. He felt a whirl of mixture of confusion and exhilaration churning in his mind. Too sudden, he thought. Now that she is back, he doesn’t know what to say to her. How come I can’t think of anything to say? He chided himself. Suddenly….

“Eh. You came back liao ah? Ok lor, I eat other flavor lor.” He blurted out jokingly, half laughing. He cringed at himself. What the hell was he saying? Tan Wei Lian, why can’t you find nicer things to say? Why does everything you say come out wrong?

Cherie reached out to give him a playful slap on his cheek like she always does when he talks nonsense. Fang Qi couldn’t bear witnessing the little acts of intimacy between Cherie and Wei Lian. She had wanted to come back to Singapore to confess her feelings but seeing Cherie had made her take a backseat. And now seeing Cherie and Wei Lian together, she felt all the more defeated. She wasn’t prepared to meet him at all. Especially not in such a way. Her mind was in a horrible mess, she wasn’t thinking straight. She just wanted to scream.

“Iya stop la!” Fang Qi heard herself shriek. She looked at Cherie with hurt and anger in her eyes and continued “Last time you don’t like him you still behave so intimately with him. Now I don’t know if you are together… iya I don’t care la! But can you stop behaving so intimately a not? Can you both spare me?? Please???” She didn’t know what she was saying and she couldn’t stop herself. Hurt and jealousy had clouded her thoughts. Her eyes brimmed with tears but she forced them back.

Cherie was taken aback at Fang Qi’s outburst and raised her eyebrows. But she was laughing in her heart. She is finally showing her true feelings. Cherie jumped at the chance. She pretended to be offended and hissed, “Ya what, I didn’t like him last time mah. But I realized later that I love him mah!” Cherie purposely chose a strong word to test her out—Love. She knew Fang Qi would not be able to take such a word, especially in such a situation. Seeing Fang Qi stunned at her own outburst and suddenly quiet, she decided to go all the way out.

“What’s wrong with us being together? Hmm..Fang Qi, I heard Wei Lian say he was actually helping you out to act as your boyfriend when your grandma returned? Is there by any chance you…you actually also like him……” Cherie’s voice went softer and softer and finally trailed off. She hung low her head and pretended to look at the floor as if she would not be able to take it if Fang Qi really says she love Wei Lian.

Fang Qi looked up bitterly at Cherie’s frail figure, her hands locked tightly together with Wei Lian’s. Cherie continued. “Since you already left, and we both eventually found out that we still like each other, so….we got together…hmm..you like him right?” What more can she say? Cherie has already put it frankly to her that they love each other. She is tired. So tired. Suddenly everything didn’t matter anymore. Can she just keep quiet and walk away? As she hears Cherie asking Wei Lian whom he actually loves, her heart fell into a dark bottomless pit. She felt as if all her feelings and emotions have been withdrawn from her life. Then, she turned and started to walk away, trying hard to quicken her heavy footsteps.

“Fang Qi! You haven’t told me if you also love him. If you do, I will leave.” Cherie was shocked that she actually walked away. She was afraid that she might have carried the joke too far. She quickly called out to Fang Qi who was already dragging herself away from her original spot.

All this while, Wei Lian stood there feeling bewildered. His heart beat like it was going to burst any moment. He had never expected to meet Fang Qi today, but he had been having a strange unexplainable feeling the whole day. Especially when he was singing her song. He felt as if the song gave him hope of seeing her today. And now, standing here in the crowded shopping centre, hearing his barbaric Fang Qi shouting at the top of her voice, he didn’t feel embarrassed at all. Instead he felt happy. A form of happiness that had been elusive for months.

As he heard Cherie issue Fang Qi her challenge, he quickly held back his overflowing emotions and anxiety with his usual way of nonchalance. He decided to play along. “Cherie keep telling me she got a feeling you love me, I just want to know if it’s true?” He finally spoke up again. “If you say you love me, I will say I love you!” This girl made him wait for six months, made him fall into the depths of loneliness and confusion. Tease her a bit first la, I’ll be nice to her later. He told himself.

Fang Qi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She stopped in her tracks. She has had enough. She came back all the way to Singapore not to hear him challenge her to such stupid things. She couldn’t stand it anymore. “If you say you love me, I will say I love you!” His words rang loudly and deeply in her ears. Fine!

“YA. TAN WEI LIAN, I LOVE YOU!” She proclaimed loudly, her tears gushing out more ferociously than before. “I love you…I say I–love—you. Do you know…ni dong bu dong….” She didn’t care if the people around heard and stared. She didn’t care if he would laugh at her. She didn’t care about her pride anymore. She just needed to let him know how she really felt. She only needs him to know….

Wei Lian was stunned. This is the first time he heard her say that and she had said it so directly and firmly. Many times he had imagined her telling him she loves him. He always wondered how she would say it to him. And now that she had said it….


His hands clutched the side pockets of his cargo pants tightly, his head spinning, searching for something to say. He didn’t know how to react, except to look straight. He knew that he was to reply her with “I love you” but he couldn’t snap out from his state of shock. He really didn’t expect her to say it. He thought he knew her very well, that she was too proud to say such a thing to him, let alone in public….but apparently he was wrong.

“There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear them from, but don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from his heart.”

Those were Ah Ma’s words of advice to her when she left the hospital. Her mind was in a state of anxiety. Will he say it out or not? Will he ask her to stay?

Seeing Wei Lian hesitate for a long while, Fang Qi’s heart tore into shreds with hurt and anger. “How dare he cheat me out of these words and then pretend not to respond? “ she thought in disappointment.

He still refuses to say it. It’s me who think too much! It’s all one-sided! “Fine!!! If you dare not say it, you get out of my sight!” She scolded, turning to walk away towards the MRT station. Her tears flowed rebelliously down her cheeks. She had to go. She was not going to let Cherie see her cry. She was not going to cry in front of that idiot Tan Wei Lian. Her heart ached painfully as she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. She has been the one giving all the while, if only he could just give in to her. Just this once…just this once will do…

Wei Lian heard her footsteps drifting further and further. “Eh where is she walking?!” He asked Cherie worriedly. “Eh, MRT station, MRT station!! She is walking very fast. Quick!” Cherie replied frantically and automatically led him to the train station. They quickened their pace, pushing through the crowd into the station, up the escalator and onto the train platform. Cherie scanned the platforms for Fang Qi. And then…she saw her, standing alone at the far end of the almost empty platform. The train has just left. The rest of the passengers had almost dispersed as they traveled down the escalator. Cherie led him near Fang Qi.

Wei Lian nodded as she lifted his arm up to show him where Fang Qi was. Suddenly, he reached into his bag and took out something. It was the charity bear that he had bought from her. On the little bear’s neck, was a necklace bearing the ring. Fang Qi’s ring. The one that he had engraved her name on. He had strung the necklace round the bear to make it complete. He has been bringing the bear along with him wherever he goes. When he reached home, he would take it out and place it beside his pillow. Sometimes he couldn’t believe he was doing that, but feeling the bear and knowing its presence gave him a sense of comfort.

Holding the bear close to him gave him courage. The courage to finally tell Fang Qi how he feels for her. Slowly inching towards where Fang Qi was standing, he took a deep breathe. A million thoughts ran through his head. His heart was in his mouth. He never felt so determined before, especially in affairs of the heart. He knew he had to let her know. Now. As the train on the opposite platform pulled in, chugging noisily, he stretched out his hand holding the bear, and said it. “I love you….”