“Shi Shen Me Rang Wo Xin Luan Ru Ma – Ni De Man Bu Zai Hu, Hai Shi Wo De Zhi Zhuo Ren Xing?”

Chapter 22

Fang Qi sat on the sofa, her eyes never leaving Wei Lian and her Ah Ma. Ah Ma had complained of a stiff shoulder and Wei Lian quickly volunteered to give her a massage to ease her discomfort. Fang Qi was touched at his thoughtful gesture, yet her eyes brimmed with unspoken pain. She knew this was the last time that Wei Lian is going to act as her boyfriend. She knew she will never get this close to him after today.

Ah Ma had called up both Fang Qi and Wei Lian early in the morning to invite them over for a good lunch before she leaves for the States on the night flight. Shortly after Ah Ma’s call, Fang Qi received Wei Lian’s call. “Hey. You want to meet downstairs Ah Ma’s place before going up anot?” Fang Qi knew Wei Lian’s intention was to make it appear as if both of them came together. She struggled to understand why he can still be bothered to help her. He already had his Cherie. Who am I to him? She thought bitterly.

“…two of you must come and visit me one day ok?” She heard Ah Ma asking. “Ok la Ah Ma. See when this person is free lor.” Fang Qi answered teasingly, referring to Wei Lian. She decided to get into character. After all, this was going to be the last time. Wei Lian grinned and patted Ah Ma on her shoulders. “Ah Ma, when we come over to visit you, you must cook your big feast for us again ok? I love the spicy chicken you made the other time!” Wei Lian played along.

Fang Qi smiled sadly and thought,” If he says anymore, I’m going to believe he is for real lor.” She looked fondly at this guy she loved to quarrel with. Since when did he start looking so darn endearing?? Before she could pinch herself, Wei Lian’s handphone rang. Immediately, he answered it, and his face lit up as he listened to the caller. Slowly, he moved away from Ah Ma and spoke softly into the handphone. Fang Qi looked away so that Ah Ma could not see her pained expression. It was definitely Cherie calling.

Wei Lian hung up shortly, while Ah Ma excused herself to go to the kitchen to prepare lunch. “Oh yah, Ah Girl, I bought some things to bring back to the States. Can you and Wei Lian help me pack into my luggage?” Ah Ma called out from the kitchen. No response. Wei Lian, hearing no answer from Fang Qi, replied “OK!” He stood up and started to move towards Ah Ma’s room. As he was unfamiliar with the place, he hit his leg against the coffee table. Fang Qi jumped up from her trance-like state and put her hand on his shoulder to stop him from moving further. “Careful la!” she hissed and led him to Ah Ma’s room.

“Wah what did Ah Ma buy man?” she muttered under her breath, rummaging through the bags of stuff on the floor next to the luggage. Wei Lian sat on the bed, listening to the sounds of paper bags crushing against each other. “Iyo, you going to destroy Ah Ma’s things already la.” He chided Fang Qi. He told himself that he had to be nice to her today, but somehow the nice words never came to him when talking to her. When he met her today, he had a strange feeling. It was like meeting someone he had been very close to after a long while. But the weird thing was he did not know what to say. Except mean things. Maybe it’s because he hadn’t been bickering with her for a long time, and he’s making up for what he had missed. It must be it, he told himself.

“What la? You one day never say me you not happy issit?” Fang Qi’s tone was obviously upset. “You think just because you help me fool Ah Ma you have the right to say me issit? ” Fang Qi glared at him.

“Iya….” Wei Lian started to say, but his message alert rang. He quickly took out his handphone and listened to the incoming message. Fang Qi caught a knowing smile on his face as he read the SMS. Her heart ached.

“Iya, I where got say you la.” He responded half-heartedly while he replied the SMS.

“You never say me? Please la, if you don’t want to help me anymore, you can don’t help ok. Nobody is pointing a gun at you hor!” Fang Qi lashed out at him. She was too frustrated to think. One million and one emotions were flowing through her. She was feeling dizzy.

Beep beep. Another SMS came in. Fang Qi stared at Wei Lian as he proceeds to retrieve the SMS and replying it. He wasn’t even interested in rebutting her now, she thought. Hot tears formed in her eyes but she fought them back. She was not going to cry with him around.

“Iya, we are friends mah, plus you are my buddy’s sister, so since we already started the act, then I help to carry on lor. You don’t say until I so unwilling can anot.” Wei Lian carried on with conviction, as if trying to convince himself.

Beep beep. As Wei Lian listened to the new message, he could have sworn he heard soft sobs in the room. Can’t be la, she cry for wat? , he thought. Little did he know that the tears that Fang Qi was fighting so hard to hold back were already rolling furiously down her face.

Fang Qi took a bite of rice and chewed. She had no appetite. She had hid inside the bathroom for a while before coming out to join them for dinner. She just wanted to make sure Ah Ma cannot see her swollen eyes. But luckily for her, she quickly disguised it as not having enough sleep when Ah Ma asked. With her constant rubbing of her eyes as she yawned, Ah Ma nodded knowingly and did not ask further.

Seeing her only chewing the plain white rice in the bowl, Ah Ma sounded a bit concerned over her usually loud-spoken granddaughter. “Iyo Ah Girl ah, Ah Ma cooked so much, why you only eating white rice? Take more vegetables mah.” With that she leaned forward and wanted to scoop some vegetable curry into Fang Qi’s bowl. But Wei Lian’s fast reaction made her retract back her outstretched hand, which was about to reach for the long soup ladle.

With swift and accurate motion, Wei Lian effortlessly grabbed the soup ladle with one hand while the other hand held reached out for Fang Qi’s bowl. However, his hand landed on Fang Qi’s hand instead. Knowing that Ah Ma was looking, he gave Fang Qi’s hand a playful squeeze and went on to feel for her bowl. He brought it close to the pot of fragrant vegetable curry. He scooped some of its contents into her rice bowl and passed it back to her. “Nah, Ah Ma’s vegetable curry so nice and you are only eating plain rice. Thought you keep ranting about missing Ah Ma’s vegetable curry? Now have liao you don’t eat. How can lor? Don’t be so rude la you. You not on diet also what. Why only eat plain rice?” His hands cupped over hers as he put the bowl into her hands, urging her to eat.

Fang Qi came out of her stance and took over the bowl of rice, now topped with vegetable curry. Vegetable curry. Her favorite. This is the fifth time Ah Ma had cooked it since her return. But those were after she left the beach house. She only briefly mentioned it in front of him the day before Ah Ma came back to Singapore when they were rehearsing their lines. But she thought he wasn’t really concentrating then.

Can he don’t do this to her or not? Can his memory become lousier? Of all things, why is his memory so good? Knowing that Wei Lian actually remembers what she loves to eat, Fang Qi couldn’t help but feel emotional suddenly. And can he don’t touch her hand or not? She can’t help but get reminded on the intimacy they shared previously. Be it pretence or not, she knew it will never happen again.

The nagging feeling within her threatens to overwhelm her. She was afraid she couldn’t take it anymore and her emotions will burst at the seams. Seeing him trying to put on his best act in front of Ah Ma for her sake, her heart ached with confusion. She really couldn’t bear seeing him do that.

She knew him. He wouldn’t do something he disliked. When he is unwilling to do something, he wouldn’t do it even if you forced him to. But she remembered his words. “If you are not Fang Tong’s sister, I wouldn’t have bothered about you….” He was just helping only because she is his buddy’s sister and not because of her. She thought quietly inside her, her heart so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. She understood that better than anyone else. Didn’t she know that all along?

With that, she snapped out of her thoughts and replied, “Eh? You know I like to eat this meh?” She purposely said it in a challenging tone, in order not to arouse Ah Ma’s suspicion.

“Eh, you know what you talking about or not? You are my girlfriend mah. I where dare to forget what you like ah? Wait you angry with me again how?” He replied grudgingly with an answer and tone so natural that Fang Qi’s eyes threaten to brim with moist. As he replied, his left palm faced down, trying to feel for an empty soup bowl. Eh? Where is the bowl? Thought Ah Ma put it on his left side just now?

Ah Ma looked on as they both exchanged words. Then she interrupted. “You see la Ah Girl, you better treat Wei Lian nicer ok? He even bothered to remember what you like to eat already very good la. You behave yourself la. Last time you treated Jake like a precious gem, now Wei Lian is better than him and you treat him like this! Ah Girl ah, you don’t take Wei Lian for granted…..”

The pair of noisy chopsticks picking at the food in the bowl stopped. Fang Qi’s body froze while Wei Lian remained in his “cannot be bothered” position and continued eating. Jake? She hadn’t been thinking about him for a long while. All she had in her mind is…..

Ah Ma caught her embarrassed reaction. Realizing that she had mentioned something inappropriate, Ah Ma crackled with unease. “Err…Wei Lian, Jake he…he is Ah Girl’s ex-boyfriend. Sorry hor, Ah Ma too long never nagged at her liao….Ah Girl got tell you about Jake or not hah actually?”

Wei Lian stopped eating and turned his face in Ah Ma’s direction. Swallowing his food slowly, he replied casually. “I know ah. Jake is my brother.”

“Ha? Your brother?!” Ah Ma looked at him in surprise and then turned to Fang Qi. She refused to answer.

“Oh, not exactly brother la Ah Ma, Jake is my cousin. But we are as close as real brothers la.” Wei Lian again replied. Ah Ma thought he will be jealous is it? Well, it’s only natural that she assumes I will think this way since Jake is my cousin, he thought silently as he tried to conjure a suitable explanation. Better don’t let Ah Ma worry too much. Already act until want to finish liao, might as well act some more la.

“You not jealous hor, Wei Lian?” Ah Ma said, trying to test his feelings.

Jealous? “Ah Ma, there’s nothing to be jealous about la. They broke up already mah. I also got so many friends who became another friend’s girlfriend. Ok one la. Now is now mah. The past doesn’t matter. But Ah Ma, I won’t give up the girl I love so easily. I know when to fight back one.” He tried to lighten the atmosphere with his casual tone. He knew what Ah Ma was afraid of and assured her with a smile.

No. He was not lying or cooking up a reply for Ah Ma. He had actually already conjured another answer but before he knew it, the heart-felt words just flew out of his mouth.

“Iya what are you doing la? The bowl is here la. What you want to take? I take la.” Fang Qi wouldn’t hear anymore of the on-going conversation. She wanted to stop the awkward and sensitive topic. And she quickly found an excuse. She turned to chide him and slapped his hand away impatiently. Wei Lian had accidentally dipped his thumb into the bowl of hot herbal chicken soup. She quickly reached for a tissue from the tissue box on the dining table and wiped the drops of hot soup off his thumb. “You see la, red liao la your thumb. Okay anot?” She continued muttering angrily.

She just cannot imagine him dipping his fingers into the bowl of hot soup. What if it’s a kettle full of boiling water?! Also touch it la, issit?! He got no feelings one issit? This guy just wants to act smart in everything. He always managed to make her feel so small in front of him. She detested this kind of feeling that intruded her thoughts whenever she sees him so independent. Her stubborn personality refused to admit that she is after all only a girl and that her ego has been busted.

“Iya, I’m okay la. Nothing one la. Always like that what. Hurt a bit won’t die one la. Take soup for you mah.” He pulled back his thumb from her touch rapidly and disguised the weird and numb feeling that he felt in his heart with his usual nonchalance. He picked up his rice bowl and continued eating.

As he withdrew his hand quickly from hers, a look of hurt and disappointment flashed across Fang Qi’s face. She quickly hid it by turning to Ah Ma and telling her how much she will miss her when she goes back to the States.

Oh god, can he don’t sound so sweet and caring now, but yet blow hot and cold anot? It was this feeling of him blowing hot and cold that was killing her. She is already confused enough. What does he want?? She suddenly felt a strong urge to spill the beans and tell Ah Ma that they were just acting only. But quickly, she postured herself as she saw Ah Ma looking dotingly at Wei Lian. Clearly, Ah Ma liked Wei Lian a lot. Much more than Jake, she thought.

In the cab on the way to the airport, Wei Lian and Fang Qi tried their utmost best to talk normally to each other. They have come so far, they didn’t want Ah Ma to discover that they were trying to fool her all this time. They both wanted Ah Ma to leave Singapore happily without worries.

At the departure hall, when it was time for Ah Ma to check in, she reached out for Fang Qi’s hand with her right hand and Wei Lian’s hand with her left hand and put their hands tightly together. The sudden feel of their hand against each others’ set both Fang Qi and Wei Lian’s hearts racing. Stop it, they both said in their hearts.

“Both of you take care hor. Ah Ma has been very happy on this trip back to Singapore. Hope one day Wei Lian you can come with Ah Girl to visit me. You promised one hah?” Ah Ma teased, while holding on to both their hands, as if not wanting to let go. Upon hearing this Fang Qi was overwhelmed with emotions and flung herself onto Ah Ma, weeping like a baby. “Ah Ma! I will miss you!” Indeed, she was going to miss her grandma. But the catalyst of her reaction was not this. She had enough of Wei Lian chiding her the whole day, enough of his happy look whenever his handphone rang or SMS-es came in, enough of him acting so caring towards her in front of Ah Ma, enough of this pretence. It was crushing her heart into bits.

“Silly girl la!” Ah Ma laughed. “You and Wei Lian can come and visit me mah!” She comforted her. Wei Lian gave a wistful smile, a little shocked at Fang Qi’s outburst. Strangely, his heart went out for her. The nagging feeling inside had been bugging him the whole day too. He still can’t figure it out.

“Ok la, Ah Ma go in liao. You two take care!” Ah Ma said and started to walk through the immigration counter, turning to wave goodbye once she was through. Fang Qi waved at her through the glass doors, watching her disappear down the corridor.

They stood there for what seemed like an eternity, each having a million thoughts running through their confused minds. Suddenly Wei Lian’s handphone message alert sounded. He put his handphone at his ear and listened. “My dear Wei Lian, Ah Ma here. I just want to thank you for helping Ah Girl to pretend you are her boyfriend to make me happy. You are a good boy. Hope to see you again if there’s a chance. All the best.” Wei Lian’s heart was pounding furiously upon reading the message. Ah Ma knew it all this while. His mental turmoil worsened and he just wanted to get out of the airport. Fast. “Erm… I got something on. I leave first hor.” was all he could manage to say to Fang Qi.

Cherie again. Fine. Just go! Fang Qi could feel her frustration mounting and her tears surging up again. She swallowed hard and said “Iya, just go la, no need to bother about me la.” Her voice was almost breaking. Wei Lian sensed that Fang Qi was close to tears again and tried to say some comforting words to her. “Er, you can always visit Ah Ma soon ma, don’t be so sad la. You still got Fang Tong, got all your friends, got me ma. Don’t cry liao la, cry baby.”

Oh god, what is this she’s hearing? Can he not be so nice to me now? Fang Qi wanted to put her hands to her ears to shut out Wei Lian’s voice. She wanted to scream, but she couldn’t find her voice. Wei Lian shifted his feet awkwardly. He could sense that she didn’t feel any better after what he said.

Finally, Fang Qi collected herself and said, “I..I’m going to grab something to eat. Bye.” Without waiting for a response, she turned and walked away quickly. A wild instinct made Wei Lian reach for her arm to stop her, but he grabbed her hand instead. Fang Qi struggled to fling his hand away. “Leave me alone la!” She said with firm resolve and walked quickly away from Wei Lian before her tears start streaming down again.

Standing alone amidst the busy airport crowd, all Wei Lian could feel was a sickeningly aching feeling in his heart.